So the advent of Facebook and its raging popularity has spawned two conversations that have made me wonder a few things. First of all, when did we forget that letting other people have opinions that differed from ours was NOT ok? And when did we decide that if someone was of another opinion we should "un-friend" them?
My opinion (and you are SOOOO welcome to have yours!) is that the immediacy of the Internet can be a bad thing. Not always. I love texting my hubby about something that is tough to sort of test the waters or at least get the thinking process going. I love Facebooking my friends so I know how they are doing thousands of miles away. I even love email, where I can email my friend from church with a question about theology. However, what I am seeing more and more is the nastiness that moves from cyberspace to front lawn when we discuss tough topics with family or friends online. Instead of taking a moment to recognize the artifical nature of the Internet--the cocoon of non-face-to-face interaction--we just let go. And get mad.
Two examples: My hubby who is a very literal kind of guy gets his nose very out of shape when he gets emails that have major fallacy of thought going on. You know the ones that start out with a statement about the country going to H--- in a handbag and somehow involve the government, the pharmacists down the road and eventually space aliens? He is constantly sending members of his family to Snopes. com or writing scathing emails about the ability to think being something that separates from animals. He isn't the really nasty sort, but sometimes in the translation it sounds that way...So, he sent an email to a family member in response to one of these space alien/government takeover kind of emails that was a little on the curt side, but it was to someone who knew him, so they should've known, right? And if it had stopped there, all probably would have been fine. Except it didn't. It was forwarded to a friend of the family member who forwarded it to another friend (probably because if you aren't offended by my hubby's point of view you have to admire his clarity in thought and writing style) who forwarded it to another friend who doesn't know my spouse and there it happened. The "unfriending" of it all. Yes, it happened. Someone unfriended one of my family members for that little email. Keep in mind, the un-friended wasn't even the family member Matthew sent the original email to--this was a ANOTHER family member. So I suppose, my husband could have been a little gentler, but really? We unfriend people for forwards that aren't pornographic in nature now?
Second example was my friend who sent an email with his political opinion in it. He was responding to a query from someone in his debate-loving family. It got forwarded. Things got heated. A second perhaps less gently worded email got sent. Things heated up. Time passed and things seemed ok...until the family dinner where someone brought it up. Guess who isn't invited to dinner anymore? Guess what people? YOU DON'T UNFRIEND FAMILY for disagreeing with you...especially when it all starts in cyberland.
I guess I just think that sometimes what starts in cyberspace should stay in cyberspace? Or maybe we are all losing the ability to screen our irrational desire to be right all the time because of the immediacy of the Internet. Here we can say what we want and someone, somewhere will agree--and usually before we get done typing. We get accustomed to that and when someone disagrees we become two years old again? I don't know. I know I've done it, but hopefully, I've gotten over it fast enough to stop my finger from the "unfriend" button...
What do you think?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Guest Blogger: Valerie Anderson, Coolest Girl on the Planet
Warning: Valerie keeps it real. Not for the squeamish.
Visit her blog: Life in the Loony Bin. (Link on sidebar.)
It is called Fistula.
If my sister-in-law who gave birth last week had lived in Africa, chances are that she would now have developed a whole new set of problems in her life.
It would be called Fistula.
What's that? Fair warning: If you are male (or female for that matter) you might not want to read this.
Today I am feeling real and I wanting to really say it. I took a class in the UN about this topic, and it is time you learn about it for yourself. I have thought about it for two weeks, and I am tired of thinking
about it all alone.
Fistula holds no respect for money, fame, status or education.
And I quote: (remember, this is just one country's example)
Rural Ethiopian girls traditionally receive their first water jar at age two. By age eight they are carrying loads of water, wood and grain that are much too heavy for their physical size. Despite females being assigned the beast-of-burden role, if food is short, it must go to the boys before the girls. This favoritism exacerbates the stunting of girls’ bones, particularly in the pelvic region.
In Ethiopia rural, poor and often illiterate girls are betrothed between ages of 9 and 13. Married two years later, they usually begin having babies usually by 15 years of age while their bones are still undeveloped. Rape victims may be as young as seven. Whether married or raped, most Ethiopian women have at-home deliveries under dirty conditions with no clean water.
The fistula damage begins early in the labor process when babies become lodged in narrow birth canals, blocked by underdeveloped pelvic bones. This obstructed labor lasts for an average of 3 to 4 days, sometimes as much as a week. During that time, repeated, futile contractions cut off blood to vaginal tissue compressed between the fetal head and the bony pelvis. This tissue becomes necrotic, sloughs off and a fistula (opening) develops between the bladder and the vagina, the rectum or both. The uterus squeezes the unborn babies to death in 95% of fistula cases. The girls are left mourning, traumatized inside and out.
These meant-to-be mothers soon realize that, rather than gaining the status of having produced a child, they are incontinent due to their fistulas. Urine and feces continually trickle down their legs causing sores and soaking their clothes. Due to the resulting stench, husbands, families and communities ostracize these victims, forbidding them from using the village well, which in most cases is their only water source. Because delivery is often on the ground, dirt often enters the uterus and thus many women die from septicemia and other gynecologic injuries. Fistulae can lead to kidney disease and even death. Many of these women drink as little as possible to avoid leakage and thus become dehydrated. Some victims of fistula choose suicide as the only escape from living as a pariah.
Did you know that the US answer to fistula is called a Caesarian Section--C-section. Chances are if you had a C-section here in the states, you would not/could not have had one in Africa and the risks of fistula happening to you are very real. There are an estimated 2 million women and girls living with this every single day. Those are the ones who survive. A woman dies every single minute in pregnancy or childbirth, almost all occurring in Asia or Africa.
There are two countries that this is rampant. Afghanistan and Nigeria. Not passing judgment on culture or religion. Just stating the facts.
My sister-in-law holds a Master of Education and is the director of an environmental education center in California. My foster sister, who gave birth last month, is a foreign diplomat to Tanzania, holding a Masters degree from Columbia University. Both had C-sections. What would their story be if they were in Ethiopia or Nigeria?
The experts say that the number one cause of fistula is children having babies. Their bodies cannot handle it. Their bodies weren't designed to do it. The number one cause of children having babies is child marriage.
That, my friends, is a subject for another day. Another day very soon.
If you want to know more, go to http://www.endfistula.org/
Visit her blog: Life in the Loony Bin. (Link on sidebar.)
It is called Fistula.
If my sister-in-law who gave birth last week had lived in Africa, chances are that she would now have developed a whole new set of problems in her life.
It would be called Fistula.
What's that? Fair warning: If you are male (or female for that matter) you might not want to read this.
Today I am feeling real and I wanting to really say it. I took a class in the UN about this topic, and it is time you learn about it for yourself. I have thought about it for two weeks, and I am tired of thinking
about it all alone.
Fistula holds no respect for money, fame, status or education.
And I quote: (remember, this is just one country's example)
Rural Ethiopian girls traditionally receive their first water jar at age two. By age eight they are carrying loads of water, wood and grain that are much too heavy for their physical size. Despite females being assigned the beast-of-burden role, if food is short, it must go to the boys before the girls. This favoritism exacerbates the stunting of girls’ bones, particularly in the pelvic region.
In Ethiopia rural, poor and often illiterate girls are betrothed between ages of 9 and 13. Married two years later, they usually begin having babies usually by 15 years of age while their bones are still undeveloped. Rape victims may be as young as seven. Whether married or raped, most Ethiopian women have at-home deliveries under dirty conditions with no clean water.
The fistula damage begins early in the labor process when babies become lodged in narrow birth canals, blocked by underdeveloped pelvic bones. This obstructed labor lasts for an average of 3 to 4 days, sometimes as much as a week. During that time, repeated, futile contractions cut off blood to vaginal tissue compressed between the fetal head and the bony pelvis. This tissue becomes necrotic, sloughs off and a fistula (opening) develops between the bladder and the vagina, the rectum or both. The uterus squeezes the unborn babies to death in 95% of fistula cases. The girls are left mourning, traumatized inside and out.
These meant-to-be mothers soon realize that, rather than gaining the status of having produced a child, they are incontinent due to their fistulas. Urine and feces continually trickle down their legs causing sores and soaking their clothes. Due to the resulting stench, husbands, families and communities ostracize these victims, forbidding them from using the village well, which in most cases is their only water source. Because delivery is often on the ground, dirt often enters the uterus and thus many women die from septicemia and other gynecologic injuries. Fistulae can lead to kidney disease and even death. Many of these women drink as little as possible to avoid leakage and thus become dehydrated. Some victims of fistula choose suicide as the only escape from living as a pariah.
Did you know that the US answer to fistula is called a Caesarian Section--C-section. Chances are if you had a C-section here in the states, you would not/could not have had one in Africa and the risks of fistula happening to you are very real. There are an estimated 2 million women and girls living with this every single day. Those are the ones who survive. A woman dies every single minute in pregnancy or childbirth, almost all occurring in Asia or Africa.
There are two countries that this is rampant. Afghanistan and Nigeria. Not passing judgment on culture or religion. Just stating the facts.
My sister-in-law holds a Master of Education and is the director of an environmental education center in California. My foster sister, who gave birth last month, is a foreign diplomat to Tanzania, holding a Masters degree from Columbia University. Both had C-sections. What would their story be if they were in Ethiopia or Nigeria?
The experts say that the number one cause of fistula is children having babies. Their bodies cannot handle it. Their bodies weren't designed to do it. The number one cause of children having babies is child marriage.
That, my friends, is a subject for another day. Another day very soon.
If you want to know more, go to http://www.endfistula.org/
Sunday, March 21, 2010
So many things to share...no time to write!
So I went to this amazing Convention at the UN about the Status of Women and my mind was filled with all kinds of cool thoughts and I've been so busy I couldn't share them and now my life has taken over and I can't quite seem to get them all in writing. Or any of them for that matter. Anyone want to take over my life so I can write? Hmmm, no takers.
Well, one thought that I wanted to put up here and that keeps coming back to me from NY was one that came from a great panel discussion about human trafficking. Yes, human trafficking--there is an alive and well slave trade where you can buy and sell human beings for sex. And not just adults, children are bought and sold like commodities for use in horrific ways. So, while I was meeting with amazing women from all over the world to discuss how they are combatting this horror, Nan Kennelly from the US State Department said this,"It isn't getting better. And while every culture values its children,we are still failing them." Failing them. This isn't failure of the "I-forgot-to-pack-your-lunch-money" type. This is the type of failure that I in my suburban little world of Wal-Mart, Target and 7-11 on the corner cannot event fathom. I came away wide-eyed and moved by the stories and statistics that do not lie: we are failing.
But, this was a Convention of Women, so there was this feeling of hope in every session I attended--even those on this topic--and a feeling that change can happen. Me, I can't be like the nuns I learned about who carry big sticks and shut down brothels in a very, shall we say, "old west" kind of way: they walk in, remove thier obstacles and take the children out and hide them and keep them safe. I want to meet those nuns, but I can't be them. What I can do is talk about this topic and others that I started learning about. I can ask YOU to talk about them and that by talking about them and bringing them out of the shadows where they are protected, we can find ways to help. And we can make sure that there is no human in our realm of influence who thinks there is anything that gives a person the right to enslave another human being for sexual purposes.
Want to know more? Go to: http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/tiprpt/2009/ to read the official report.
Well, one thought that I wanted to put up here and that keeps coming back to me from NY was one that came from a great panel discussion about human trafficking. Yes, human trafficking--there is an alive and well slave trade where you can buy and sell human beings for sex. And not just adults, children are bought and sold like commodities for use in horrific ways. So, while I was meeting with amazing women from all over the world to discuss how they are combatting this horror, Nan Kennelly from the US State Department said this,"It isn't getting better. And while every culture values its children,we are still failing them." Failing them. This isn't failure of the "I-forgot-to-pack-your-lunch-money" type. This is the type of failure that I in my suburban little world of Wal-Mart, Target and 7-11 on the corner cannot event fathom. I came away wide-eyed and moved by the stories and statistics that do not lie: we are failing.
But, this was a Convention of Women, so there was this feeling of hope in every session I attended--even those on this topic--and a feeling that change can happen. Me, I can't be like the nuns I learned about who carry big sticks and shut down brothels in a very, shall we say, "old west" kind of way: they walk in, remove thier obstacles and take the children out and hide them and keep them safe. I want to meet those nuns, but I can't be them. What I can do is talk about this topic and others that I started learning about. I can ask YOU to talk about them and that by talking about them and bringing them out of the shadows where they are protected, we can find ways to help. And we can make sure that there is no human in our realm of influence who thinks there is anything that gives a person the right to enslave another human being for sexual purposes.
Want to know more? Go to: http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/tiprpt/2009/ to read the official report.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Americans and their egos...
So last night while I was driving home from a church meeting, I was listening to "On Point" and they were discussing the war in Afghanistan. One of the guests (yeah, don't remember his name, sorry.) quoted Winston Churchill, and I was very provoked (not "mad" provoked, just provoked into thought by the comment.
Hmmm...is there truth in there? A bit harsh? I don't know. I laughed when it was said and then I thought about all the comments I've heard about "young America" and "upstarts from that colony" and wonder if we here in this country are a bit on the stubborn-we-must-take-the-hard-road mentality. We don't seem to like accepting advice from other nations; we don't want to know about their systems of healthcare, governance, etc. Although I have it on good authority we stole the idea of road systems from the Germans and that has worked out pretty good for us. We rarely say, "Hey Taiwan, what do you do about workplace equity?" Or "Hey France, tell us about improving efficiency." Are we really that good? Or are we just really that arrogant?
"American's always do the right thing, but only after exhausting all other options."
Hmmm...is there truth in there? A bit harsh? I don't know. I laughed when it was said and then I thought about all the comments I've heard about "young America" and "upstarts from that colony" and wonder if we here in this country are a bit on the stubborn-we-must-take-the-hard-road mentality. We don't seem to like accepting advice from other nations; we don't want to know about their systems of healthcare, governance, etc. Although I have it on good authority we stole the idea of road systems from the Germans and that has worked out pretty good for us. We rarely say, "Hey Taiwan, what do you do about workplace equity?" Or "Hey France, tell us about improving efficiency." Are we really that good? Or are we just really that arrogant?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Hmmmm....
No one was interested in the State of the Union....interesting. Or was it a case of "If you can't say something nice...."? Oh well. Shall we move on, then?
I have been thinking about many things lately and one of them is what is my role in our community. I'm a stay-at-home Mom. My role is to spend money, make cookies for my neighbors, avoid the police officers who write tickets, help out the cub scouts and volunteer my soul to the PTA. Oh, and church, but that is just for fun, right? So why do I still feel like I should be doing more? I don't want to be in politics. Hello, I live in New York, land of the bureaucratic NIGHTMARE. I've shelved enough books for my mom that I have no desire to volunteer at the library. (Although we do help the story lady, Mrs. Lucy, when we can.) I don't think the volunteer fire department wants me. I wonder if I am doing enough to help the economy (My hubby swears I do.) So, what do you do?
I have been thinking about many things lately and one of them is what is my role in our community. I'm a stay-at-home Mom. My role is to spend money, make cookies for my neighbors, avoid the police officers who write tickets, help out the cub scouts and volunteer my soul to the PTA. Oh, and church, but that is just for fun, right? So why do I still feel like I should be doing more? I don't want to be in politics. Hello, I live in New York, land of the bureaucratic NIGHTMARE. I've shelved enough books for my mom that I have no desire to volunteer at the library. (Although we do help the story lady, Mrs. Lucy, when we can.) I don't think the volunteer fire department wants me. I wonder if I am doing enough to help the economy (My hubby swears I do.) So, what do you do?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Blog #2: State of the Union Address
Okay, I was going to start with a completely different topic and I was going to wait until Saturday, but sorry, can't. I just watched President Obama's State of the Union Address. I'm going to start by saying that I am a sucker for these. I even liked the ones that President Clinton gave and I was a rabid GOP BYU student at the time--I actually felt guilty for liking his speeches. So, I'm not going to be hard hitting on this, but I do wanna know about how you all feel.
I have to set up my favorite part. When I was a child, I loved all musicals and especially Disney ones. Live action ones--even better. (Please, be gentle with that...) Anyways one of my all time favorites was one of Disney's first: "The One and Only Genuine Original Family Band." (see http://www.classicmoviemusicals.com/filmso.htm#genuine). It was one of Goldie Hawn's first movies. (She has a bit part in the last scene as a dancer--it is pretty funny.) Anyways, in the movie the family band is a politically divided household who goes to sing at the 1888 Democratic Convention and they sing this hilarious song, called, "Oh Benjamin" which has a line that has one side of the family singing, "...ah, that's politics." To which the other side of the family says, "No, that's statesmanship." It is a must see, really. So, MY favorite part of the State of the Union is always the part where the President asks Congress to play nice. Since they are playing with our toys (ok, money) wouldn't it be nice if they did so?
I loved President Obama's request of the GOP. (Keep in mind I am a somewhat troubled card-carrying Republican--yeah, we're gonna have to talk about that in the future...): "...it may be good short-term politics, but it is bad leadership." (Speaking of requiring a supermajority for any legislation to pass just because they can now.) Sorry, ladies and gentlemen: I think everyone needs to relearn the meaning of "statesmanship." Government is supposed to be about public service and frankly, I ain't seeing that as a priority...especially in an election year.
So I loved it. I'm going to remain quiet on the Republican rebuttal--okay, I can't. (Quit laughing, you knew I wouldn't) I'll just say this: having some poor guy out in the sticks speak after the President of the US is a stupid practice. No one looks good after the President of the United States and does anyone besides me notice that they always pick some newbie/sacrificial cow to look bad? I almost lost my ice cream while watching his posturing. And really, did he watch the President's speech at all? Yeah, I know, the poor guy had a script but aargh...maybe I'll quit watching that part. I probably better if I'm going to be able to say with a straight face that I support the GOP.
So, there is my short two bits. I could go on for a long time, but I'm not going to...I ran out of milkshake. So your turn. (Be gentle--remember the rules.)
I have to set up my favorite part. When I was a child, I loved all musicals and especially Disney ones. Live action ones--even better. (Please, be gentle with that...) Anyways one of my all time favorites was one of Disney's first: "The One and Only Genuine Original Family Band." (see http://www.classicmoviemusicals.com/filmso.htm#genuine). It was one of Goldie Hawn's first movies. (She has a bit part in the last scene as a dancer--it is pretty funny.) Anyways, in the movie the family band is a politically divided household who goes to sing at the 1888 Democratic Convention and they sing this hilarious song, called, "Oh Benjamin" which has a line that has one side of the family singing, "...ah, that's politics." To which the other side of the family says, "No, that's statesmanship." It is a must see, really. So, MY favorite part of the State of the Union is always the part where the President asks Congress to play nice. Since they are playing with our toys (ok, money) wouldn't it be nice if they did so?
I loved President Obama's request of the GOP. (Keep in mind I am a somewhat troubled card-carrying Republican--yeah, we're gonna have to talk about that in the future...): "...it may be good short-term politics, but it is bad leadership." (Speaking of requiring a supermajority for any legislation to pass just because they can now.) Sorry, ladies and gentlemen: I think everyone needs to relearn the meaning of "statesmanship." Government is supposed to be about public service and frankly, I ain't seeing that as a priority...especially in an election year.
So I loved it. I'm going to remain quiet on the Republican rebuttal--okay, I can't. (Quit laughing, you knew I wouldn't) I'll just say this: having some poor guy out in the sticks speak after the President of the US is a stupid practice. No one looks good after the President of the United States and does anyone besides me notice that they always pick some newbie/sacrificial cow to look bad? I almost lost my ice cream while watching his posturing. And really, did he watch the President's speech at all? Yeah, I know, the poor guy had a script but aargh...maybe I'll quit watching that part. I probably better if I'm going to be able to say with a straight face that I support the GOP.
So, there is my short two bits. I could go on for a long time, but I'm not going to...I ran out of milkshake. So your turn. (Be gentle--remember the rules.)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Blog Number 1: Rules of the Blog
I've been wondering if I should do this...really, do I want the firestorm? Do I want to see people offend one another? But then I remember how amazing my friends are--what intelligent, caring and insightful people they are. And I remember those fun times after an evening at the movies, sitting and giggling until 1:00 in the morning at Sal's as we talked about the future. Or maybe it was a midnight run to Taco Bell and eating in the dark and looking at the big Utah mountains and discussing the opposite sex or maybe even the reality of God. Or even later in life it was after a hard study group, eating the last few pieces of cold pizza and discussing the nitty gritty of the law, not just the letter of it. Or maybe it was some of those discussions that happened when I was married, but pre-kids--a good meal shared and then laughter and stories of victory or sadness. I've had great friends and great discussions. I miss that. So here is my cyber attempt at reconnecting with those moments. It won't be as cozy as the conversation over the proverbial wine (or root beer or milkshake), but maybe we can all reconnect with who we were, who we wanted to be and who we are becoming. And maybe we can focus on what we really want to be in the future.
So, control freak that I am, there are a few rules:
1. No nastiness, please. I retain the full right to edit or delete any of that. Everyone gets an opinion, but don't attack someone. Make your argument with logic (maybe a little wit, but nothing razor sharp), and dignity. I don't claim to have friends of one persuasion or the other (red/blue, positive/negative, dark side/light side etc.) So don't assume anything. Just BE NICE, but not boring, okay?
2. Please, please let's talk, discuss, and express our opinions. But let's back it up. Don't make a statement that you don't really believe or can't back up with some real evidence. Saying, "The government is crap," while you may believe it is true, doesn't really advance any of the conversation, nor does it help illuminate anyone. Share specifics. The point is not really to moan, but to put forward your ideas, worries even and then maybe suggest solutions. So, say "The government is crap," but keep going and say why or how it could be better.
3. Respect other's opinions. I decided to do this because I do love my Facebook, but I think it is more a "run-into-each-other-at-the grocery-store" kind of conversation spot. I want this to be deeper place to talk, and that requires respect. The kind of respect we reserve for our friends--perhaps a respect that is a little audacious, but the kind that keeps us from flinging our glass of beverage at each other.
4. IF you get offended, please don't throw the beverage. Say, "I'm offended by this because...." (fill in the rest.) Throw the napkin at them, the cheeseball or the nasty glare, but tell us. Don't go away mad. Tell the person so they can clarify their comments and maybe make nice. And if that doesn't work, then you have my permission to throw the beverage...nicely.
So those are the rules. And since I am in charge (hey, it is my blog...I have to pretend because I have not doubt that you all will quickly grasp control and take off...) I get to say where this all started. So, here we go...
So, control freak that I am, there are a few rules:
1. No nastiness, please. I retain the full right to edit or delete any of that. Everyone gets an opinion, but don't attack someone. Make your argument with logic (maybe a little wit, but nothing razor sharp), and dignity. I don't claim to have friends of one persuasion or the other (red/blue, positive/negative, dark side/light side etc.) So don't assume anything. Just BE NICE, but not boring, okay?
2. Please, please let's talk, discuss, and express our opinions. But let's back it up. Don't make a statement that you don't really believe or can't back up with some real evidence. Saying, "The government is crap," while you may believe it is true, doesn't really advance any of the conversation, nor does it help illuminate anyone. Share specifics. The point is not really to moan, but to put forward your ideas, worries even and then maybe suggest solutions. So, say "The government is crap," but keep going and say why or how it could be better.
3. Respect other's opinions. I decided to do this because I do love my Facebook, but I think it is more a "run-into-each-other-at-the grocery-store" kind of conversation spot. I want this to be deeper place to talk, and that requires respect. The kind of respect we reserve for our friends--perhaps a respect that is a little audacious, but the kind that keeps us from flinging our glass of beverage at each other.
4. IF you get offended, please don't throw the beverage. Say, "I'm offended by this because...." (fill in the rest.) Throw the napkin at them, the cheeseball or the nasty glare, but tell us. Don't go away mad. Tell the person so they can clarify their comments and maybe make nice. And if that doesn't work, then you have my permission to throw the beverage...nicely.
So those are the rules. And since I am in charge (hey, it is my blog...I have to pretend because I have not doubt that you all will quickly grasp control and take off...) I get to say where this all started. So, here we go...
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